flower

I look up from the sofa, woken by a knock. I can’t see anything beyond a fuzzy blur. I fumble for my glasses as the knock is repeated, a little more insistently. “Coming, one sec,” I say, finding them bookmarking my page. The late afternoon sun streams in through the windows, a blue sky streaked with cloud the picture perfect image of a summer evening. I flip the lock and open the door a crack.

“Open up already won’t you.”

“Rache. Sure.” I shut the door and free the chain, pull the door open behind me as I move to bring a modicum of order to the apartment, picking up clothes from the floor and throwing it towards the bedroom. Rachel comes in behind me, and I hear her drop onto the sofa as I pour two glasses of water.

“Thanks.”

“Tired?”

“Nah, just jaded. Fashion’s stuck in the middle of nowhere these days.”

“Heh.”

I slouch further on the sofa, finishing the water. I wonder about going to get a beer or something. Rachel stretches out like a cat, glances at me and smiles a sleepy grin. She pulls her legs up, and puts her head on my chest, arms enfolding me in a loose hug. I’m trapped.

“Hmm?”

“I missed you, you silly boy.”

she loves me

“Oh I nearly forgot to tell you!”, Rachel exclaims from the kitchen. “I met this guy yesterday, at Ty’s picnic. Total stranger, but we clicked so instantly I wonder if it was fated, you know? After an hour it was like we’d known each other for years, we were that good. Isn’t it funny the kind of people you might never run in to who you’d totally get on with?”

I sit up and look at her. She is preoccupied with a Rubik’s cube, twisting it one way, shifting, twisting it back, flipping it around. She’s saying something but I don’t hear it. I feel a pang of emotion, something grabbing me at the mere mention of someone else, but I try to keep it down.

“And tomorrow, we’re going to go out and try to catch a show or something. Maybe a movie, or just hang out. He’s new in town so he has no idea of where to go, and of course I said I’d show him around. How could I not, after we clicked so well?”

Jealousy. I’ve found a name for that emotion that just grabbed me. I do my best to smile and keep it down. I don’t even, technically, have a right to be jealous. But I am, and that part of me is the bit that I most despise, the part that tries to claim what isn’t mine.

“…totally sweet. Wish I could find more guys like him,”

she loves me not

“Or like you. I mean, he’s sweet, but sometimes he’s not totally genuine, and that’s what I get from you, what I totally love about you.”

she loves me

“Ok, I’m off.”

“What? Where? Weren’t we set for dinner?”

“No, I moved the flight forward, and I don’t want to get caught in bad rain, or even a blizzard. They said it might snow early this year.”

“Winter just started. It’s barely cold enough for a jacket.”

She fixes me with an intent look, purses her lips as though she is on the verge of saying something. I shrug and grin.

“Well, if you’re so eager to leave me who am I to stop you?”

“Jimmy, I’m just going for a year. I’ll be back, and you’ll still be here. Michael really needs my help on this though, plus the money for the work…”

“And you’re going that far for it?”

“Yeah, yeah I am. Some things are worth it. And I’ll be back.”

“What’s the bet you won’t be?”

She looks away, to the grey sky outside. She can’t answer that, and I feel the grip of jealousy, that she could put so much feeling into this… near stranger. I’m sure it’s not just the money she’s going that far for. I wonder why I never act on impulse, like she always has.

“I’ll be back. But for now, goodbye, Jimmy.”

she loves me not

I fumble for the ringing phone in the dark, not wanting to open my eyes, not wanting to let sleep go. I pull the phone to my ear and edge my eyes open to glance at the time. 1:30. Full summer moon outside.

“Hello?”

“Hey sleepyhead.”

“Work tomorrow, bright and early. Who’s this?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten me already? It’s only been 6 months.”

“Rachel? What the hell? I thought you were off in… wherever, I don’t know, Peru, was it?”

“Uganda. But that’s no excuse for not recognising me.”

“Do you even know what time it is here?”

“Of course I do. Come open the door.”

“The door? What? You’re here?”

“Yeah and I am freezing my donkey off here. You call this a summer?”

“Hold up, I’ll… I’ll be there in a sec.”

I hang up, disbelieving. I pull on a shirt and bump my way to the door in the dark, only the moon’s light illuminating my way. Lock, chain, open. Sure enough, Rachel is outside, wearing little more than a mini and a babydoll shirt. She bustles in with a grin, sets her bag down on the sofa as I follow in sleepy confusion. She turns, stands on tiptoe, kisses my cheek, hugs me. Stays hugging me, head against my chest, staring off into her own distant mind.

“Rachel…”

“Happy Birthday, stupid.”

she loves me